Don’t forget the trade deadline is something like 2 weeks away from now. November 14.

I’ve got to do some bitching first. Has nothing to do with our league but I’ve got to get it out. So this guy I know also plays Fantasy Football and sometimes we talk about our teams. He tells me about this trade he did. Vick (his) for Peterson. I didn’t really think it was one that went through. Maybe he was just talking about some trade rape wet dream he had. So here I am tell him how absurd that deal is. And he goes on and on defending how fair it is for the guy getting Vick. Then I understand that this isn’t conjecture but a real trade. It is bad enough that he plays in a league where there is a guy giving up AP for Vick. Even if that idiot has enough depth to only take a minor hit in average points per game. And how did he wind up SO desperate for a QB? Apparently there was a huge early run on QBs and 8th round QBs went in the second or third round. Lots of fucking morons joining the run instead of getting value. The worse part is not the trade. I’d be bragging to anyone who would listen how I trade raped some guy with his own dick. But that guy I knew keeps fucking telling me how fair all this is.

This was one fucked up week. Tons of folks just went off on people’s benches.

*Week 7 Review

Me and Kevin split our series. It felt pretty good getting the top score. I was lucky getting Kevin’s team all injured and on bye. But he still put up a very respectable 94 points. Torain is getting it done and I think he’s a step up from Portis. Tolbert keeps stealing TDs and keeps doing shit other than stealing those TDs. This was the first DTD I got all season. Unlike last year, there hasn’t been as much fantasy good off waiver wire DSTs.

Alex is having an interesting season. This was a very win-able game. Dave put up just 75 points. But Alex couldn’t manage the win. He didn’t even leave that many points on the bench either. Roy Williams makes you think he is going to not suck. Then in your lineup, he goose eggs you. Nice job of being the coach, Dave. Left 117 on the bench. Made 2 correct plays: not playing the injured Donald Brown and you played the right kicker. And yes, Alex was the only person Dave could have beat.

Nice job Matt handing Tim his first loss. Tim probably should be at his third loss but the FF gods are smiling on the ginger bastard 😀 McFadden and Evans went off on Matt’s bench. Roddy White went off too.

Derek wins over Brian. Bowe is proving me wrong by not dropping every ball thrown to him. Lloyd must be a headache. So inconsistent. Brian seems to need a LOT of help at RB. Matthews is a huge bust. Tolbert is actually kicking his ass. And there’s Ivory. MJD had a decent game but has been a bust this season so far. Two weeks Brian. Nice work not starting Brady at QB from your roster of 4. I can see why Cassel was played over Fitzpatrick.

Great job handing Chris his first loss, Rhett. And you did it with Romo going out of the game early too. Moreno finally showed up, eh?

*Best plays and worse plays

How does Fitzpatrick go for 18, 20, 20, 33 and then get dropped by Brian. How does he go for 11 TDs in 4 games with 4 INTs and not get picked up by anyone. How does the guy who loses Romo go for Kitna instead of Fitzpatrick. I’d pick him up as my backup myself but I like Palmer’s playoff schedule better. Wait. Fuck that. I’m going to get him right now. OK. Maybe I was too harsh. He’s still on the wire.

Every possible choice Dave could have made, save the 2.

Rhett started Moreno over Lynch. I’d have played Lynch. Two garbage time TDs are pretty good.

*Interview – Thanks Kevin

Newsletter: Tell me about your draft strategy and some of the reasons why you drafted some of the guys you did. How do you feel about the players you drafted now?
Kevin:  I was stuck at Mount Lassen during the draft with a very limited internet connection which lead to autodrafting a few player.  I was not and still am very unhappy with my draft this year.  My main strategy this year since I was at the end of the draft was to get a stud WR 1st and a consistent back on the wrap around since I didnt have a lot of confidence in the RB’s ranked 7-10.  I tried to focus on having a solid 5 man roster with solid backups to compensate for the lack of superstar RBs.  In hind sight I should have picked mendenhall, benson or jackson but I didn’t see good things from either teams during the off season like the Rothlessburger incident and preseason losses.  I usually like to pick guys on good teams that I think are going to do well this year.  Hence drafting players from the Jets, Ravens, Texans, GB and Saints avoiding players from the Rams, Lions, Brown etc.

Newsletter: Your team wasn’t scoring many points in the first few weeks. Then during these last two weeks, it starting clicking. What changed? Was it because of coaching decisions or were your players just cold early on?
Kevin:  Most of my players are just cold and injured.  Andre Johnson has been quiet except a few games and I have been neglecting my coaching this year. (-ed: fixed some typos)

Newsletter: What kind of moves do you think you need to make, if any, for the future?
Kevin:  I need to apologize to the other owners who I have been ignoring your messages from trades.  I haven’t had much time for fantasy football this year because we are buying a house and having a baby.  So this year I have been using my limited free time to search for houses instead of paying attention to the waiver wires and my usual line up analysis.  Instead of surfing ESPN, CBS, Yahoo and NFL.com for fantasy information.  I have been searching zillow, redfin, movoto and tullia for a good deal on a house. (-ed: Foreclosure house!)

Newsletter: Would you entertain a big move for one of your star players? For example: Andre Johnson. He hasn’t been amazing so far. What kind of offer would you be looking for to move him or is he just not on the trading block at all?
Kevin:  Sure, I really should trade Andre and get some depth at RB.  Make me an offer I cant refuse and I will do it.  Shonne green was a wasted pick and Pierre Thomas cant stay health.  In fact almost all my RBs have been a bust.  It was a very unusual draft for me.  I picked a lot of landmines and guys that were expected to be good values rather than who i wanted.

Newsletter: How about some advice for your fellow players. Let’s say Matt. He’s still in the hunt. He’s not a direct divisional competitor.
Looking at his team, what are some moves you think he needs to make?
Kevin:  Matt has a great team, I love the combo of Schaub, Johnson and White.  The emergence of Mcfadden as a beast was something I never saw coming.  I guess its because I am a niners fan so I naturally hate the Raiders.  I think his team is in good shape, he just needs to work the waivers in case someone goes cold or gets injured.  In fantasy, you are always one injury away from losing.  Usually the team with the strongest bench comes out on top at the end so don’t get complacent.

*Trade Rumors

Brian was overheard at the local pet shop grumbling about his shitty RBs. He probably should be moving some of them for some RB help. Maybe packaged with one of his QBs. Maybe some guy with a bad haircut.

An employee at an anonymous bathhouse reports that Chris was bragging about how his team is amazing and how the guys he plays Fantasy Football with suck hairy butt. Sure, Chris. It was really an onsen and not a bathhouse. Right.

Kevin was seen racing to his computer from the local church to put in a claim for a QB. Both his QBs are on bye. He was at the church praying for Portis to stay out since Torain has been so much better. Someone needs to help Kevin out with a RB or 2. My spare RBs haven’t panned out enough to make a legit offer. Now’s the time to move Garcon. His value won’t be higher. If he didn’t drop half the balls thrown to him, he’d be good.

I’d have considered talking to Rhett about Mike Williams but the two WRs I got off the wire are about as good.

Derek needs help at RB this week. His guys are both on bye and his backups suck. Seems like Alex gets a free win. Or will Alex find another way to lose. I’d be kind of pissed if Derek manages a win without doing anything about his crap RBs this week.

Matt is busting at the seems with RBs and needs help at WR. He was overheard at the fancy beauty salon (he wouldn’t trust his sideburns to some wanks calling them selves barbers, no sir, he needs a stylist) talking about keeping McFadden instead of trading him. Move him before he gets hurt again. Go talk to Kevin or Brian meng.

*What about me? (Ramblings about my team)

McFadden tanked any hopes of me trading Bush. I’ll just have to use him as a backup once McFadden gets hurt. Not that I need another RB. Charles is performing well but Jones is killing his value. The Chiefs are doing some amazing shit on the ground. Much like Oakland. Amazingly, Brandon Jackson is showing signs of life. If he can put together another 2 good games, I can move him! Collie won’t be returning for a while. Damned shame since Clark is out. He should be tearing the WR boards up but that ball dropping fucker Garcon is going to benefit. Crabtree should be dropped but I’m still holding out hope. I’m worried about Gates. Backup TEs are few and far due to injuries. And I don’t want to trade for a backup.

Dave’s whole team is on bye. Free win for me!

I was terribly disappointed this week. It only took 2 quarters of football before I realized I would lose to Kevin. Drains the life right out of you.

And the injuries keep piling up. Especially to TEs. But you know they haven’t hit Chris at all.

*Week 6 Review

I was really hoping to get a win against Kevin. I was even expecting it. His team has been under-performing all season. But his breakout game happened against me. A whole bunch of his guys explode in my face. Even Greg Jennings. Even Ryan Torain. And all three of my receivers could muster up was 6 points. Roethlisberger was great though.

Dave had a good shot at beating Chris this week. It was close. But it didn’t work out. Chris had a limp TE and WR (thanks to the TD that got recalled for Austin). But Dave’s WRs and TEs came up even more limp. Nice job leaving 27 points on the bench, Chris.

Malcolm Floyd is just killing Brian. 27 points on Brian’s bench. One point in his lineup. And Ryan Mathews keeps losing goalline touches to Tolbert. Terrible stuff. All this helped Matt to a nice win. Matt made the right call going with Bradshaw over McCoy.

Tim keeps on rolling. And his damn team name is finally short enough to see all the information on the live scoring. Derek isn’t catching any breaks. Bowe (yeah, shockingly) goes off for 22! Should be the season high for him. All on his bench. Dallas Clark is out for the season too.

Rhett. How you must feel. You lost to Alex. It was close but you lost. I would blame Tolbert. Stealing TDs and running for some 14 yards over 15 rushes over 2 weeks. I’d blame the Bears DST too. If it weren’t for Hester in garbage time, they would have given you only 2 points. I’d blame DeSean Jackson rushing for 44 yards and a TD too. Fuck. While I’m blaming folks, I’d blame Alex for setting his damn lineup too.

*Best plays and worse plays

So Vjax is going to report at the end of the month. Someone needs to pick him up.

Colston and Nicks starters. 5 Points. Crabtree and Collie bench. 22 points. Nice job there, coach of the Chinese.

Kevin, Greene will break your heart every week if you let him. Don’t let his smile and sweet words talk you into starting him. He will just leave you high and dry while LT does little touchdown dances.

Dave, why do you have 2 kickers?

*Interview – Maybe next week.

*What about me? (Ramblings about my team)

I play Kevin back to back. I hope we split the series. Andre Johnson is on bye. And his RBs are all hurt and due for terrible games. Flacco is going to go off though. I’m facing some injuries. Gates. Collie out for a while. I’ve got good match-ups all around, though.

I’m glad Crabtree is getting looks and TDs. I need him to develop into someone I can start. Charles is developing too. But I don’t think it will be enough to get him into a trade. Same with Bush.

Nearly all my guys play at 1pm so I might be in for a depressing day again.

What the fuck, Alex. What the fuck. I think that is the sentiment from the 8 other players in the league. Seriously, what the fuck.

*Week 5 Review

It’s been a while since Rhett has gotten a win against me. Not a lot went right for Rhett. His DST was terrible. Boldin egged him. Single digits save for Romo and Benson. Playing Collie probably wasn’t a great idea but he’s been too hot to bench and Colston has been too cold to play.

Dave roars back to life with the week’s top score. Ray Rice explodes. Double digits for nearly all of his team. Good job picking the right DST from the 3 you own. Not a bad effort from Matt considering his QB took a shit on his team. Ocho is missing all the action thanks to TO.

Derek’s had an interesting ride this year. He drafted a pretty crap team. But somehow he has picked up waiver wire gold. Hillis has been a stud from out of nowhere. And now he even has Lloyd in there going off. He gets the win even though tons of his players weren’t playing. And a bunch of his starters were sucking ass too. Kevin’s whole team seem to be having a bad year.

Brian’s team had a big bye week but he pulls Shaun Hill off the wire for 21. Nice. Too bad the rest of your team didn’t do much and Floyd was on the bench for 27. Not that it would have been enough to get Chris. Chris must be thinking 3-peat at this point.

Tim’s whole team gets injured and he winds up with the second lowest score of the week. He still beats Alex who started 2 players on bye and one injured player. Tim is 5-0 but easily could be 3-2 but for 1 yard in the game against me and Alex setting his line-up. I guess it isn’t my division but damn, those married dudes must be fucking pissed. Just setting the other TE on Alex’s roster would have done it.

*Best plays and worse plays

Garrett Hartley gets his job back. But so what? The Saints aren’t nearly the same team and Hartley shouldn’t even be started in a 10 man league.

Tim left Forte’s 30 points on the bench.

Matt still doesn’t trust Z. Miller.

Dave finally dropped the extra DSTs from his team.

Rhett finally dropped VJax but the rumors of his return are increasing. I don’t know if that makes it a good or bad play for Rhett.

*Interview – Love the caps, Rhett.

Newsletter: Tell me about your draft strategy and some of the reasons why you drafted some of the guys you did.
Rhett:  FIRST, I WILL WRITE IN CAPS TO EXPRESS MY RAGE. KNOWING OUR LEAGUE, I WANTED TO GET A RB EARLY. CEDRIC BENSON HAS BEEN OK, BUT NOT GREAT. HOPEFULLY HE WILL IMPROVE. KNOW-SHO MORENO HAS BEEN KILLING ME. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I HOPE MARSHAWN LYNCH STARTS RUNNING LIKE HE IS CHASING THE GUY WHO STOLE HIS GOLD TEETH. AS FOR WRS, I REALLY THOUGHT FLACCO WAS GOING TO BE A MONSTER AND BOLDIN WOULD BENEFIT FROM THAT. UNFORTUNATELY, THAT ONLY HAS HAPPENED ONCE SO FAR. WAYNE HAS BEEN DECENT. ROMO HAS BEEN OK, DESPITE THE COWBOYS SUCKING MORE ASS THAN ALEX KETCHUM. I LIKE VERNON DAVIS STILL FOR HIS TDS. BUT KEV O’S 49ERS DST SCREWED ME. I THOUGHT I HAD A SOLID DST, BUT WAS WAY WRONG. MIKE SINGLETARY SHOULD ROT IN HELL. FINALLY, I PICKED UP VJAX WITH MY LAST PICK AS A STEAL PICK THINKING HE WAS NOT A FUCKING IDIOT AND WOULD EVENTUALLY PLAY. BUT NO…HE IS A FUCKING IDIOT.

Newsletter: Now that we are 5 weeks in, tell me how well you think you did on that draft. Disappointments. Mistakes. Brilliant moves. Etc.
Rhett: I ALREADY TALKED ABOUT MY DISAPPOINTMENTS. I DO NOT THINK I HAD ANY BRILLIANT MOVES. OVERALL, DRAFT WAS JUST OK. I WILL NEED A WAIVER WIRE MIRACLE.

Newsletter: It looks like Chris and Tim might already have their respective divisions locked down. Especially with Alex ignoring his lineup completely. How does it look for you for one of the 2 playoff spots?
Rhett: I DO NOT KNOW IF WE CAN ANOINT ANYONE AS PLAYOFF-BOUND YET. WE HAVE AWHILE AND INJURIES APPEAR TO BE RAVAGING SOME TEAMS. THAT BEING SAID, I WOULD LIKE TO PETITION THE COMMISSIONER TO EXPAND THE PLAYOFFS TO SIX TEAMS. I WILL NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL THOUGH. STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. JUST ASK ALEX ABOUT HIS NIGHT AT THE “GEI BAR’ IN MATSUYAMA….

Newsletter: What are some of the moves you think you need to make to get there, if any?
Rhett: YOU KNOW ME. I LIKE TO MAKE TRADES. JUST PART OF THE FUN OF FANTASY FOOTBALL. HOWEVER, THERE IS NOT MUCH ACTIVITY OUT THERE. I COULD USE AN RB, BUT WHO COULDN’T. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A TRADE, CALL ME AT 1-800-IHATEKETCHUM OR, IN JAPAN, 1-800-KETCHUMDAIKIRAI….JUST JOKING ALEX, I DO NOT HATE YOU…BUT I KINDA DO….

Newsletter: So it looks like you will be 3-3 next week due to your bye. What is your reaction to Alex’s play? Sure, it is a free win for you next week but it makes it THAT much harder for you to win your division or a playoff spot.
Rhett: THE FUN OF THE LEAGUE IS THAT EVERYONE TRIES UNTIL THE END. HONESTLY, I AM IN A FEW LEAGUES, AND THIS ONE IS THE MOST COMPETITIVE BY FAR, DESPITE HAVING A BUNCH OF CANADIANS, EX-PATS, AND MARRIED DUDES IN IT. SO IT SEEMS DUMB NOT TO AT LEAST SET YOUR LINE UP, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OPPOSING TEAM HAD TWO PLAYERS GO DOWN AND PUT UP ZERO POINTS. SO YEAH, IT IS PRETTY ANNOYING. AND I HAVE A FEELING THAT EVERYONE FEELS THE SAME. BUT IN THE END, IF HE DOES NOT SET HIS LINEUP, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I ONLY HOPE THAT THIS LEAGUE NEVER HAS ANOTHER MAPLE-SYRUP DRINKING, HOCKEY-STICK TOTING CANUCK WIN IT EVER AGAIN. BRING IT BACK HOME, PATRIOTS. BRING IT BACK HOME.

*What about me? (Ramblings about my team)

I’ve been pretty bad at QB and am really happy to get Roethlisberger back. I have to hope he doesn’t assault any girls for the next few months. Amazing how Gates has been getting so many TDs. Hoping Vjax stays away the whole year. Don’t be a punk ass bitch and come back. Charles is getting more touches. In a few weeks, he will be a stud bench guy. Bush is developing nicely too. I should have some very nice RBs in a few weeks up for trade. The only thing I am looking for is a super-stud WR. Not a lot of those. Many of the big names WRs are not performing that great. The ones that have been really good are all on Chris’ team.

Nice to see that Alex set his team this week, unlike the last 2 weeks.

Tim and Chris already seem destined for the playoffs. Not only are they winning all their games, they are also the top scoring teams. The rest of us are probably fighting for the 2 wildcard spots.

It was much closer last year. All the fortune seems to have gone to a couple of players and the misfortune to a few others.

*Week 4 Review

Alex gave me a bye this week. He didn’t even bother with a kicker.

Arian Foster owners must be patting themselves on their backs around the country. It gives me just a bit of hope to see that Tim’s RBs are starting to appear human. The ones not named Arian Foster, at least. This was almost a week where Tim was beatable. If the Chargers DST didn’t assrape the Cardinals, Rhett would have had a shot. Rhett didn’t learn from his experience with Maroney in 2008. He just loves the man.

Brian loses Vick to injury and still gets the win. I would imagine this is what retarded midget ultimate fighting would be like, though. MJD finally comes through. It isn’t just that Brian and Dave’s starters didn’t do any scoring. I can’t understand why both of them have 3 DSTs.

Derek can’t catch a break. AP is on bye for Chris and LT steps up and fucks Derek over. Both AP and Miles Austin were on bye. Scary team. Hillis continues to impress. Turner doesn’t. Addai is still scoring.

Kevin continues to soak in bad news. Not only does he lose this week, but the situation for his team continues to deteriorate. Forsett will get a new friend named Lynch. He has 2 Bears on his team. Portis is hurt. The only bright spot is Greene wasn’t useless. Behind LT, but lots of yards.

*Best plays and worse plays

Garrett Hartley.

Matt lost trust in Zach Miller too early.

Darren McFadden should have been traded last week. When his value peaked.

*Interview – Thanks to Alex for not responding

* Trade rumors – Taking a look at where teams are strong and weak and possible trades

Tim – Strong and crazy deep at RB. Two solid starters at WR. Could improve WR depth by trading away some RBs.

Brian – Starters all look fine. Depth at WR. After Vick gets healthy, can probably move a QB too. Needs help at RB.

Chris – Very deep at RB. Great starters at WR. LT and Addai could be moved for a RB but I don’t think anyone would make that trade.

Dave – Needs to make some bold and wise moves. Gotta move Rice and Fitz for guys that will break out. In a very deep hole so moves need to happen right away. Chris is probably best in position to take advantage. I don’t think Tim will let go of the high upside players on his team. Or maybe Dave will just keep his 2 high picks and eek out 2 or 3 wins.

Frankson – The guys I picked and hope for good stuff haven’t broken out yet. Just stuck with them until they do. I need help at WR. Collie has been gold. Colston isn’t consistent and I love consistent.

Alex – Someone could try making an offer for Brees or Williams or Jackson. Will take some dramatic moves to score some wins. Or maybe Alex and Dave could swap underachieving players and hope for the best.

Rhett – Needs good stuff at RB. He really needs Vjax to get traded so he can work out a deal for some RB help. Going to be hard since I can’t imagine anyone WANTING to trade with Rhett.

Derek – Found gold in Hillis. Has about 14 WRs on his bench. Some of those guys are probably going to break out but… I don’t have enough insight to figure out who. I would guess BAL and PIT.

Matt – Should have moved McFadden already. Move him while you can. Before his value falls even further. Now might be a good time to offer for Wells, Bradshaw or McCoy too.

*Looking forward

Should be a really close game between me and Rhett. Neither of us can afford to lose. I could be in for a really rough week if Collie is out. Wayne will just go off in my face.

Dave has no shot against Matt.

Kevin can win this if he starts Flacco, Torain and Andre Johnson. Take my advice and win out.

Brian you need to beat Chris. You really do. You can do it!

Tim by 45.