Just going to bitch away and get it all out.

Mother fucking one god damn yard a couple of different places. One rushing yard. Either one yard less when Rodgers rushed for the TD or one rushing yard when he scrambled for that first down. Or one god damn yard if he just took a knee.

Close games are always rough. This Monday night game was ulcer-making to watch.

*Week 3 Review

After Sunday’s early afternoon games, I thought I was in deep shit. Palmer is just a wreck even against an easy opponent. After the late games, I thought I was in the money. Collie has been stunning. I got him because every time I watch an Indy game, Garcon makes a few big plays but then drops a TON of balls. What am I going to do about Colston? Can I bench him? I don’t have many reliable choices. He’s fucking me up. Rodgers got what I expected. Finley was the killer. He should have had a TD actually. A bigger killer was Marshall. Shocked he came up as big as he did. Good win, Tim.

Brian steamrolled Kevin. Steelers DST continues to be amazing. Vick should be on my team but I didn’t manage to suck enough week 1 to get him. Kevin can’t score no points this season. His team looks terrible.

Rhett wins on the back of Boldin. Dave is getting his ass kicked by Derek Anderson. That injury to Rice is going to really mess his team up even more. His depth at RB is terrible.

Derek gets a nice win over Matt. Huge effort from his team. Where the hell did Hillis come from? And Bowe actually gets it done? His 8th round kicker shanked 2 FGs and lost the Saints the game but Derek got through OK. Think that kicker is going to get cut soon. Don’t know where that shootout with Dallas went. Schaub was supposed to go off.

Chris continues to be unstoppable. Even when most of his team poops up shit, he gets 3 big games from his guys. Alex got only 2 big games from his guys and the rest went to the can along with the dudes from Chris’ team.

*Best plays and worse plays

Austin Collie. Just brilliant.

Carson Palmer. Outsmarted myself. Thought he would have some nice matchups before Ben the rapist returns. Wanted roster space for WRs and RBs.

Not that it was a big difference. And not that Brandon Jackson is going to be useful. I thought Flacco was going to do well this week. Better than Ryan. That’s why I traded him. Right about dudes not on my team…

Derek started Hillis and Breaston. Nice work finding production from your team.

Matt STILL has 2 fucking kickers on his team. Brian has 3 DSTs. Are you people just hoarding them?

*Interview – Thanks Tim for sharing your wisdom

Newsletter: You’ve had a lot of success this season so far. Let me ask you about the draft for a bit. Did you have a strategy going into the draft? What was it? How well did you carry out that plan?
Tim: Yeah, I figured that since I had last pick, it was better to take premium players at undrafted positions rather than wasting a first/second round pick on a mediocre RB. So I wanted Rodgers an Moss and luckily enough that’s who I got. I wanted Foster and Best and thought they were attainable and they have worked out great so far. Foster, because he was to be the featured back on a high scoring team that wants balance at the run and Best because I watched a bunch of film on him in college and preseason and he looked sick.  I also wanted Finley at tight end. Got him.

Newsletter: How do you feel about the picks you made? Which were the ones you feel great about and which ones do you think are soft?
Tim:I love my team, but I need one more good back. Good news is that I have Santana Moss and Mark Clayton, both are kicking ass, so I should be able to make a trade for a bradshaw or a McFadden.  Talking to you here Matt!

Now that Marshall and Moss have kicked it into high gear, I have no regrets.

Newsletter: What are your thoughts about your opponents’ teams. Which one look strong? Which ones do you expect to play like Brian’s team last season? Were there any picks by your opponents you had thoughts about – good or bad?
Tim: We all know about the shit picks, as they were well documented in your post draft article. So I’ll go right to rankings. I like your team, because it’s balanced. If Matt had a 15pt receiver he’d be scary.  He has a deep team at RB. Solid. Chris has been scoring a lot of points, so I’m a little worried about that. Dave, kev and alex all suck and Rhett is a wildcard. Could crush me or get crushed.

Newsletter: A fucking tie. And your win due to tiebreakers. What were you expecting before the game from your team? How did you feel after Sunday’s afternoon games?
Tim: I felt great until best left the game with 3 points! I needed 53 between Rogers, finley and Marshall, so it was only slightly over their projected point totals. I was optimistic, then it was the fourth quarter and I thought. SHIT! I need Rogers to throw a 10 yrd TD to finley or have him rush for a TD. Unlikely. But then he rushes for a TD with minutes to go and we tie. 1 fucking yard less and I was screwed. Never had that close a game before. So hats off to Austin Fucking Collie. That was a painful game to watch.

Newsletter: So are you going to beat Rhett to go 4-0? Looks like QB off the wire for him.
Tim:i hope so.  I have to take a look at the matchups and get a RB to replace the injured Best. I will say this. There is no one I would rather stomp than Rhett “homoerotic Photoshop” Armstrong!

*Looking forward

Tons of players are hurt. And the byes are starting. Who’s got enough depth to win?

I’m going to kick Alex’s ass. Brees is hurt. Jets don’t have Revis back. Waiver wire TE for Alex. Panthers are just vile. I’ve only got to worry about Jackson being healthy enough to play.

Might be a close game between Rhett and Tim. Matchups are close. But Tim is safer bets on his team. Ryan Mathews should be back for SD, and Tolbert might not even be startable.

Dave’s players are not performing well this year. What the fuck is Dave doing with 2 DSTs with the same bye? I want to see 2 teams with 3 DSTs on roster against each other. It will be a retard fight but Brian is going to win this.

Derek, you better win this. Chris’ entire fucking team is on bye. Three are regular starters. Derek better not forget to replace his kicker. Got his ass benched.

Matt shouldn’t lose against Kevin. Kevin’s team is all banged up.

What the fuck is up with Tim and all the points his team is scoring? That shit ain’t cool. Not this week.

Chris is at the top of the standings along with Tim. Derek keeps losing close games. Dave has scored 30 more points than Kevin has but doesn’t have a single win.

Mike Vick is the starter. Wow. Right call for the Eagles. Now he gets to sit on Brian’s bench all year. I’m glad Vincent Jackson didn’t get traded. He’s an ass for sitting out.

*Week 2 Review – Highlights from Week 2

Matt’s team is quite solid. I was rather worried. Somehow, I hung in there with him, points wise, most of Sunday. Then fucking Matt Schaub and McCoy exploded at the end of their games. Two dudes got 61 points but the rest only put up 32 more. Thank you Chris Johnson for taking a bye week early.

How did Kevin beat Dave? The second lowest scoring team beat the lowest. Bad stuff. I thought Kevin was throwing the game when he picked up the Raiders DST. Dave’s team was even worse. Larry Johnson, on Dave’s bench, -7 yards.

I actually thought Brian was going to beat Tim this week. And his team put up numbers. But Best shower room raped Brian’s team with 40 points. Brian’s DST put up 30 but his RBs and TE were too busy in the shower to contribute.

Chris continues rolling over folks. This week it was Rhett. Next year, winner forfits a selection in the first round.

I can’t believe Alex won against Derek. Only because Derek almost had a miracle comeback. His 8th round kicker almost got him the win. If Colston didn’t make that big catch, Brees would be down a point. And the kicker would kick it from 4 or 5 point distance. Would have been fucking amazing to see his 8th round pick get him a win.

*Best plays and worse plays

Jahvid fucking Best

Thumbs up to Kevin for benching Greene.

Backhanded thumbs up to Derek for finally dropping Ryan Grant and Kevin Smith.

Matt STILL has 2 fucking kickers on his team.

*Interview – Thanks Matt for telling us that you have no idea what’s going on

Newsletter: Let’s talk about the draft for a bit. Did you have a strategy going into the draft? What was it? How well did you carry out that plan?
Matt: This probably isn’t a question I should answer honestly, because the basic answer is no. I had first draft, so Johnson was the obvious pick (although his 4 points this week were a huge disappointment). I didn’t really look at the drafting structure beforehand, and having been unable to draft last year I was kind of blindsided by the fact that my second pick was going to happen 20 players deep. I just assumed that it went in the same order each round. I was on a long ass trip before the draft so I didn’t have much research time, and what research I did do in the day before the draft was for the early rounds, which did not play out at all how I expected due to the draft system. Every player I had considered for my second pick was already gone by the time it rolled around.

Newsletter: How do you feel about the picks you made? Which were the ones you feel great about and which ones do you think are soft?
Matt: This was my first real draft, so I’m kind of glad that it didn’t go as badly as it could have. I don’t feel like I made any picks that were particularly clever, and any good picks I might have made (damn your 4 points, Johnson) were pretty much following conventional wisdom.

Newsletter: What are your thoughts about your opponents’ teams. Which one look strong? Which ones do you expect to play like Brian’s team last season? Were there any picks by your opponents you had thoughts about – good or bad?
Matt: Tim’s team is looking pretty terrifying, and Ketchum’s is… well… we all heard how hammered he was, It’s not his fault. Blame those girls for distracting him. I had no particular thoughts about any picks, I was too busy researching my next picks after my poorly conceived strategy fell apart.

Newsletter: This week against me, 2 of your players scored 2/3s of your points. None of them were named Chris Johnson. Do you prefer balanced production from your team or do you just love it when Schaub fucks me in the left eye socket and McCoy the right?
Matt: Schaub and McCoy on the eye sockets is alright, but I think you would have much preferred it if Johnson and Ochocinco had decided to DP your ass a bit, and maybe blow a load in your ear for extra credit, but sadly they came up soft when you wanted them hardest. I’ll buy them some cialis for the next match up if you say please.

Newsletter: Why the hell do you have 2 kickers on your team?
Matt: Soccer’s a good sport; in England, they’ve got hooligans.

*Looking forward

No way Tim blows up 3 times in a row. I’m liking most of the matchups save for Moss. I always hate going up against Tim. His teams are always explosive.

Brian should be feeling confident going up against Kevin. Kevin’s team hasn’t put up points so far at all. But Brian is making some interesting choices with his lineup. Sproles? Really? Hines Ward with that QB? Over Floyd playing against Seattle? I like Kevin in this one.

Dave has a good shot at going 0-3 against Rhett. I expect a close game. Romo should put up huge points for Rhett. I think that will be enough for Rhett to win.

Derek’s team looks like a mess. I hope I play him twice this year. Matt wins in a blowout.

Chris will be 3-0 after he whips Alex this week. I see terrible matchups for half of Alex’s team.

Lots of injuries already to some key NFL players but surprisingly little fantasy impact. Ryan Grant puts a enormous hole in Derek’s team. Stafford being out only dings Calvin Johnson a little. What the Jets are doing with Greene is just terrible news for Kevin. And did anyone see Mike Vick? Dude so deserves to be the starter.

*Week 1 Review – Highlights from Week 1

Chris has beaten me two games in a row and that shit sucks. My underperforming RBs hurt. The terrible performance by my WRs hurt more. As always, I leave tons of points on the bench. I had 2 monster performances by my benched WRs. Watching the game Monday night was painful because Chris’ QB was throwing to my TE and every time they scored, Chris’ kicker would score too. I was watching that Bears – Lions game too and that catch by Calvin Johnson was nuts. Well done, Chris.

Tim is coach of the week. Hell, probably coach of the week for the next 3 games too just from this one game. Forte and Foster put up 73 points. My whole team put up that many. That’s more than Alex, Kevin and Derek. Dave just didn’t have a chance against shit like that.

Rhett’s coaching was perfect in his win over Kevin. He left no extra points on his bench. Solid performances all around save for the 49ers DST. Romo should have had another TD. Kevin’s team just sucked. Flacco, Greene and Andre Johnson were disappointing. Greene appears to be the biggest concern with the expected even split with LT and all the fumbles.

Brian edges Derek’s depleated team but not by that much. I need to mention that I’ve probably stolen Carson Palmer for the second year in a row and the guy I gave Derek, Mason, took a big hit when the Ravens picked up Houshmandzadeh. Grant’s gone. Turner’s inconsistent. Bowe continues to be terrible. And Hartley, the kicker Derek took super early, missed 2 FGs in one game! It was tied, I think, going into the games on Monday.

Matt was the only other player to break 100 this week. Chris Johnson and Ochocinco were huge. The rest of Matt’s team showed up too though his QB brought is D game. Alex’s 6th round DST was actually the best scoring DST out of all the ones started. Thumbs up!

*Best plays and worse plays (yeah, that’s right, not worst, just worse than the best)

Tim started Forte instead of Best or Hightower and came up huge. Forte could have had 6 more but missed the end zone 3 times from the 1 yard line.

The Chinese had didn’t start the right 2 WRs. Two bench WRs outscored the starters by 40 points. The long tradition of terrible coaching continues for the Chinese. Collie should wind up as the 2nd WR (but 3rd receiving option after the TE). Garcon keeps dropping balls and Gonzales might be hurt again.

*Interview – Thanks to Chris for his wise words

Newsletter: Let’s talk about the draft for a bit. Did you have a strategy going into the draft? What was it? How well did you carry out that plan?
Chris: Drafting #2 pretty much guaranteed me AP, and I’m happy with him. As long as he’s healthy, I think we’ll have a long and happy relationship together.
After that, I felt like wideouts would go pretty early on, at least compared with years past, and they did. I’m happy with my starting lineup, and based on game 1, Miles Austin looks like he’s gonna be a stud this year. If my front 8 stay healthy I’d say I have a good shot at the championship.

Newsletter: How do you feel about the picks you made? Which were the ones you feel great about and which ones do you think are soft?
Chris: I like Austin and Peterson, and I’m glad I picked up Rivers. He did well for me last year and I expect more of the same. My starting lineup looks good, but if injuries come into play, I feel like my bench is garbage. I really hadn’t read up on any deep players, so I was clearly just picking at random from the middle rounds on. I’m praying to the Gods of good health.

Newsletter: What are your thoughts about your opponents’ teams. Which one look strong? Which ones do you expect to play like Brian’s team last season? Were there any picks by your opponents you had thoughts about – good or bad?
Chris: I think Tim and yourself both picked good teams. Even Matt’s team looks sharp this year (no offense dawg).
I think everyone is pretty on the ball these days when it comes to draft day, so I’ll just stick to the shitty picks.

First off, Hartwick has no business picking up a fucking kicker in the 6th. The 6th!!! Seriously? I’m never going to let him live that shit down. There should be rules against that kind of stupidity. I was surprised with Rhett’s first pick too. Although I’m a big Benson fan, I agree with you in that he could’ve gotten him several rounds later. Alex’s team looks like a drunken abortion, and I’ll be happy to take his money at the end of the season. [-ed. – Derek’s kicker was actually round 8 but the point stands.]

Newsletter: How do you feel about your team’s performance in this week’s win against me going forward?
Chris: It was really nice to have a rematch of last year’s finale to start the year. I can’t say for sure that Dave didn’t plan that. We should do that every year. It was even nicer to be on the winning end (again) of that matchup. You always put up a good team and it’s nice to beat a worthy adversary. You’ve just gotta be seething these days, Frankson. I mean, how does it feel to invest so much in failure? Kind of like high school?

Newsletter: You’re up against Rhett next week. Give us a preview.
Chris: I haven’t checked out the matchups yet, but I’ll be checking the scores from a beach in Okinawa. Basically, I can’t lose this weekend. [ed. – I’m seething alright. Going to come piss in you beer on your little Okinawan beach. Just kidding. I’m too unemployed to travel.]

*Looking forward

Next week, the Chinese play Matt’s team. I’m not looking forward to this game. Schaub should perform better for Matt. Chris Johnson is there. McCoy is up against Detroit. Rough week for me.

Kevin plays Dave. Kevin needs to hope LT doesn’t take all of the good carries away from Greene. Imagine another fumble from Greene. Andre Johnson should recover for Kevin and Jennings could be huge against The Bills. But Dave’s team looks stronger.

Brian goes up against Tim. Another blowout? No way Forte is huge again and no way Foster is either. And Rodgers is going to smash the Bills through the air with Grant down. Moss is going to be covered by Revis and Marshall doesn’t have much for a QB. I think Brian wins this one.

Chris is going to beat Rhett. The Eagles DST are up against the Lions and their backup QB. That’s 18 points right there.

Alex and Derek. Looks like a close game. But Grant, Bowe and Mason can’t be helping. There aren’t many options on Derek’s bench either. Alex wins a close game.